I am curious to know if you also bargain with yourself?
Me I bargained everyday for the past 6 years that if I push hard enough, help lots of people, fight for justice and be the best me that I could my dad would come back. I bargained that if I fulfilled his legacy of being the best community spirited selfless person he would be given back to me. I know you are probably saying how can The Motivational Queen think like that, well that was my reality because I wanted my heartbeat, my everything back and all rational goes out of the window when you miss someone who was the centre of your world sooooooo bad.
I even ate and ate and put on loads of weight cos every time in the past when I started to put on weight my dad would say “hey kid you are putting on weight” and that would be my cue to sort it out and it filled me with joy that someone cared enough to say it and also make me accountable. Now I don’t have that after he was so cruelly taken away from me by being brutally tortured to death.
I am not the first nor will I be the last unfortunately to lose someone that means the world to them. But what I can say is if you have ever felt like me you are not alone and it’s okay to miss your loved ones. Find strength in the good people around you and that the person you have lost is all around you. I believe my dad lives within me with all that he taught me as it is coming to fruition via me.
It will be 6 years to the day on December 17 when he was cruelly murdered and this time of year is difficult but I take solace in the fact he showed me how to be a thoughtful kind human being. I will never stop trying to be the best version of me and helping as many people as I physically can, (sometimes I may get it wrong, sometimes right but no matter what I will try as hard as humanly possible) in living memory to my dad.